I was invited to a lesbian 4th of July party last weekend. I didn’t have plans and my love was working so I thought…what the heck…lesbians…just like me. Perfect.

Aside: I hate stereotypes. I think they are dumb. Lesbians come in all shapes and sizes. They aren’t types. You cannot break them down into butch, fem, lipstick, chapstick. Dumb people try to fit others into neat little categories. I am, for example, classified as “fem”. I like dresses and make-up and high heels. I also run 30 miles a week and lift weights. I am fiercely independent and I can change my own damn tire. Am I fem? I don’t think so. I am me.

SO I know stereotypes and I am opposed to them.

But I actually imagined myself in a room full of lesbians and assumed I would fit right in. I mean, really, lesbians…awesome.

What a dumbass.

As it turned out, the room was, in fact, filed with lesbians. Uber-smart, educated, professional, successful lesbians. They were all grounded and normal and nice. I enjoyed the party. I loved getting to know them and chatting with them.

I also had absolutely nothing in common with them. Nothing. Well one woman and I had some common interests. We both had kids. Not a lot of moms in this party.

Almost all of them were in the military, colonel and above. Successful people. Hard working.

Almost all of them were either nurses or doctors or PA’s. There wasn’t a person in the room who didn’t have at least three degrees. I mean these ladies were smart as hell.

I am smart as hell too. I can hold my own in a room full of highly educated women. I wasn’t insecure.

But as the night wore on I realized my mistake. Because in thinking I would enjoy a lesbian party simply because the people in the room shared my sexual preference was completely silly and it was also stereotyping.

Our sexuality has so little to do with who we are.

It’s just a tiny thing.

People who want to oppress homosexuals want to make it everything, the most important thing.

In response, some of the gays have made it into a much bigger deal than it is or should be. I knew a woman once who had to announce her gayness the moment she walked into the room. I hated it. I was like, shut up…no one cares. She couldn’t help herself. She had fallen into the trap of believing our sexual preference defines us.

But it doesn’t. What you do for work, your passions, your values, your ideals, your personality, your lifestyle is a much bigger part of who you are than who you want to love. It’s so insignificant.

Had a heterosexual been invited to a party of heterosexuals they would never assume a commonality with the other people attending the party. They would want to know what the people were like, where they worked, what they did for fun, you know…important stuff. I just said, YAY LESBIANS and signed right up.

When I realized my mistake, the fact that I had done my own version of stereotyping by assuming Lesbian meant people like me, I laughed.

Cause I know better.

I still had a great time. I still met some really fantastic women. I am so glad I went.

But I won’t make the same mistake again.


6 thoughts on “Lesbians

  1. I love this. And yes, you are hella smart, lady. For the record, that’s one of the first “labels”, if you will, that I’d choose to describe you. “Gay” is a small-minded option. Others: compassionate, considerate, connected, fiercely loyal, nurturing, lovely, spiritual, gentle, protective, kind-hearted… Those encompass you much better. I could go on. Great blog post, love.

  2. Lol. I truly enjoyed your post. Very candid and funny. Your post reminded me of something that happened a couple of years ago. I am originally from Ecuador and a co-worker wanted to intruduce me to a lady that also worked in the same company and was from Ecuador because she thought we would hit it off. You know what? Although she was very nice, pleasant, polite, etc., I had nothing in common with her. Who did I enjoy talking most of the time? My African American co-worker. I love hispanic music, food, culture, etc., but as time went by, I realized that I had less and less in commom with people from my country and more and more with those that were from a variety of countries.

  3. This is very well said. There are so many gays and lesbians out there who try to define themselves solely by their sexuality instead of their hobbies and interests, careers, etc. Great post!

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