Single

I am single. I have no idea how to be single.

My identity has been so wrapped up in the person I was with that it’s completely weird and also incredibly freeing to just be me, unattached to some other person. 

A good friend told me that he would encourage me to be single for two years.

Two years?

What?

That seems excessive but I see his point. Your soul needs time to heal and discover. When you jump from relationship to relationship you don’t give yourself time to really figure anything out. You don’t give yourself time to heal. Another relationship is a band aid to avoid dealing with the repercussions of the last relationship.

But two years? Dude, I will be 45 in two years.

And what about sex?

Ok, I digress. But really, two years with no sex? I don’t know if I can go that long.

His response was “You can still have sex if you need to, just don’t get involved with anyone.”

Hmmm…I am not sure lesbians do that. They seem to get attached pretty fast. 

What does the lesbian bring on a second date?

A U-haul. 

Bahahaha…no really, it’s true.

So single life it is for me now.

There is a lot of love about being single.

I come home and when my kids are with their dad…it’s my house. It’s so quiet which I love. It’s just me and my dogs. I can sit around in my underwear if I want to. I love that. I can eat when I feel like it, I can go anywhere I want to go, whenever I want to go there. No one else’s opinions or needs is figured into the equation.

And when I am with my kids, I can parent how I want to parent. I can make my parenting decisions based entirely on what I think is best or what works for me, for us, in that moment. When you parent with someone who has fundamental differences in philosophies, that’s a really great feeling.

I made an offer on a house the other day. When the real estate agent asked me what I wanted to do I realized I didn’t have to talk to anyone about it first. I could decide…all by myself. SO I did. And when they countered with something I wasn’t interested in, I decided to drop the offer. Cause I can do that too.

I’m totally single. It’s up to me. 

I can date who I want to, go places with anyone I want to, stay home, go out, watch TV, whatever I want to do, I can do. 

But tonight, I came home from a trip. My flight was delayed a little. I didn’t really care because there wasn’t anyone expecting me to get home. The kids are at their dad’s. My friend is staying at my house so I called her but otherwise, my arrival didn’t concern anyone. If my flight had been delayed more than a few minutes it wouldn’t have affected anyone. As I exited the terminal, no one was waiting for me. That’s weird. I didn’t like that too much. It was a little depressing.

But generally, I love being single. I am in no hurry to change that. I doubt I will be single for two years but I am definitely going to be single for a while. A long while. 

I love what I am learning about myself lately, my likes and dislikes. I love hearing my own voice inside my head, instead of someone else’s telling me what to think and feel. 

Single is good.

It turns out that my voice has a lot of answers and it’s entirely refreshing to discover that.

 

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